Hello! I...basically totally forgot about this blog for the last few years. Whoops.
But I'm back! And fatter than ever. Awesome.
The last few years have been a bit of a roller coaster. I'm still in Atlanta, still trying to get pregnant (no success in 3.5 years), still working on my Master's Degree. I'm not willing to go back to look at previous entries to see if those things have been discussed in this blog at all...I have lots of forgotten blogs which lay around in a sad state of neglect just like the knitting projects around my house, and it's very possible those subjects were mentioned elsewhere. But those things were all true 3 years ago, and they are true now. Moving along.
I am currently an incredibly depressing 193 pounds. I think the last time I was on here I was maybe...low to mid 170's? Well, I've been to Europe twice since then, and had a summer in which I had no AC for months while my husband worked to replace it, and I've just generally been battling depression and anxiety and travelling all the time. So...up I went.
I have stopped using tramadol to control my back pain, as it is apparently now known to decrease fertility...which would have been AWESOME to know when I started using it regularly YEARS ago. I've been off of it for more than a year now, with no results in the conception scenario. I am currently on ovulation-stimulating drugs, so I'm definitely working on that part of my life. I have little hope of it succeeding after 3.5 years, though. We'll see. Next step is IUI (intra-uterine insemination) and then IVF. There are insurance issues with all of that, though, so we're trying everything we can before we get there.
All of the above definitely has had an impact on my weight. From day to day, I swing dramatically between being unbelievably depressed and panicked about my weight, and saying "FUCK THE HATERZ" and trying really hard just to be comfortable in my skin. But I have to do something. I now look fondly back on when I was mid-170's...ah, if only I had known how fat I would eventually get. I would have appreciated the mid-170's a hell of a lot more.
One positive is that I have definitely changed my eating habits since I was last here. I have the Pact app on my phone, which makes me exercise a certain number of times per week, and also makes me eat a certain number of fruits and veggies per week. More than anything else, this has made me actually do the things I'm supposed to be doing. It makes me pay money if I don't do them, so I have really excellent motivation - and if I do what I'm supposed to do, I actually make a little money. It's more effective than just about anything else at getting me off my ass, even if it is just to do 30 minutes of intense chores per day.
Summer is coming to an end, and one thing I'm certain I've mentioned here is my extreme dislike of the heat. So, now is the time to get a routine in place that I can follow throughout the colder months, so I can finally get my weight down. I have a rough routine that I've started following this week, and I'll do a separate entry about that with some diet rules for myself too. I am trying to get back down into the 170's at least, though I'd really like to get down to the 150's eventually.
Yes, I'm trying to get pregnant...and should that very unlikely event occur, I will adjust my plans accordingly. But the plan for now is just to continue on in the same way, because being in shape is good whether I'm barren or not.
While I do have ultimate weight goals, honestly I'm trying to lessen my focus on what the scale says. I've busted my ASS for an entire summer before with no tangible result, and that's incredibly discouraging. So, I'm just going to set my plan, and follow it as closely as I can, and occasionally weigh myself just so I know I'm not out of control. I went to Europe earlier this summer, and I walked about 80 miles over the course of 12 days. I hadn't lost a pound when I got home, but I know I looked better. I'm going to try to keep that in my mind as I go about this renewed effort.
The Olympics are actually really helping to motivate me. Looking at these people in peak physical condition, I can't help but push myself a little harder to not be such a fatass. Maybe I can just save some YouTube videos of them for later, and watch them before every workout for motivation. It couldn't hurt.
Ok, off to move a little...I worked out hard yesterday, so today is a lighter chores-as-workout day. Tomorrow is swimming, probably.
