Aaaand we have a roadblock...

Let me just begin by patting myself on the back a little.

I have not gained any weight. I am still hovering around 169, which makes me feel very good indeed. I have not been working out AT ALL, so it pretty much qualifies as a miracle that I am still at such an awesome weight. So...good job, me.

Now, about that whole "not working out" thing...

Since my surgery, I have had one body issue after another. I had the crazy rash, and then this week I pulled something around the largest of my incisions, so that hurt for a few days. Also...it has been cold. Yes, I recognize this last thing as an excuse. But the surgery stuff is real...they said 6 weeks until I should be back to normal, and it has almost been exactly 6 weeks. So, I guess this is about where I should be.

But, no more excuses. Next week, it is back to the working out for me.

I suppose I should say that I haven't been a complete loaf for these last few weeks. I have been eating mostly good stuff (aside from a tiny piece of key lime pie here and there), and I have been pretty active at night when I get home. Every night, I've been lighting a fire...which may seem like a little thing to people who never have to light fires...but believe me when I say that starting a fire is not as easy as all that. On Friday night, it took me 3 freaking hours to get a fire started. This meant 3 hours of lugging wood inside, up-and-down squatting in front of the fireplace, walking out to my car to get more newspaper when the fire would not start, and jumping up and down in frustration when my house was filled with, instead of cozy warmth, a whole lot of smoke. So...that's exercise, right? It burns more calories than sitting on the couch, at least.

I am proud to have made it mostly through the holidays without gaining back any of the weight I lost. Hooray for me! I just have to make it through Christmas and New Year's...which shouldn't be too bad, since those are not generally as food-filled for me as Thanksgiving.

I will start on Monday with walking...only 3 miles, to start. Tuesday will be Slim-in-6 and maybe a little Wii. Wednesday, walking. Thursday, no workout due to office party. Friday, Christmas Eve, will likely be spent in last minute running around, trying to get stuff wrapped and ready for Christmas...but I do have the day off from work, so I can't imagine that I wouldn't be able to get a walk in at the very least. My goal for this next week is to walk on at least 3 days. I think that that is the most important thing for getting back into the swing of it.

I need to revise my rewards a bit, as I have received a shiny new Kindle for Christmas! I think that I might purchase myself a dress when I get to 165...ModCloth has the most AMAZING dresses, and if I buy myself one that might serve as further incentive to lose the weight. : )

Just as a reminder to myself...145 by May 1. Still my goal. Hopefully, 165 by January 1...and 155 by March 1. Shouldn't be too bad, if I really get back into my workout. Which I will be doing next week. Definitely.

Ok, off to work. Later!

Post T-Day

Well, that didn't go as badly as I had expected.

I expected to go to my grandmother's house this weekend and come back looking like someone fattened me up for slaughter. My grandmother is an AMAZING cook, and she is absolutely of the southern tradition that involves feeding people within an inch of their lives.

But...and believe me when I say that there is nobody more surprised by this than me...I actually managed to maintain my current weight!! Imagine that!! I was pretty good all weekend...I mean, there was a lot of dressing and casserole and sweet potatoes eaten...but I managed to eat very moderate and reasonable amounts of everything. Also, I only had 2 very small slices of pie all weekend...pumpkin and key lime. Nomnomnomnomnom.

So, I'm currently at 171, which is fine with me as far as progress goes. I did not start walking like I think I might have planned on doing as of my last entry, since I developed a massive reaction to my stitches and/or Neosporin and had to first get rid of the angry rash that was all over my abdomen. So, I will be starting again today. I'm not entirely certain what my workout will be today...it has been cloudy all day, and if it ends up raining I will get on the Wii Fit. If it remains cloudy, though, I would LOVE to walk in this. : )

I think that it will be entirely possible to get down to 165 by January 1. I'm really happy about the fact that I've managed to keep off the weight that I lost around the time of my appendectomy. I think that some of it was residual, just because my metabolism had been sped up so much by the exercise I had done to that point. But it makes me feel like it really is possible to lose weight after all, that everything I do isn't entirely futile. Even as much as I fight against it, and feel like nothing I do is good enough...it is! It IS good enough! : )

Ok, later.

One sixty WHAT?!

Man...this appendectomy diet ROCKS! Hahaha.

When I weighed myself yesterday, I was 169! I cannot express how nice it was to see that number. I haven't weighed myself today, but owing to the fact that I went to a wedding yesterday afternoon and perhaps ate more than I should have, I'm going to cut myself a break and not worry about today. But 169 is very exciting.

I do understand that, owing to my lack of exercise and my unusually reduced diet, this number is perhaps not really representative of my overall weight loss. But I'm going to try to keep my diet closer to what I'm eating now instead of going back to eating more. As it is right now, I really do fit into the Weight Watchers diet plan, so as long as I can continue to record my points and such I might be able to stick to it.

I'm going to start walking again tomorrow. Gingerly. I do NOT intend to jump right back into 4.5 miles. I need to make sure I take it easy...I'm still healing, and I need to resist the urge to push my limits until I'm all better. I think that walking 2 miles would be ok to start with. I'm not going to worry about timing or pace or anything...just walking 2 miles is fine for starters. I'll probably do this for at least 4 days this week. Next week, I'll bump it back up to 3 miles, and do that for a week or two. Since I think it was walking such a long distance that aggravated my appendix in the first place, I don't think it's bad to take a while getting back up to that point. Plus, I'll presumably be eating less in accordance with the Weight Watchers plan, so I should continue to lose weight. I have another 4-5 pounds to lose before the new year, and I think that I could even go beyond that. I'm excited. : )

Ok, off to clean house. Later!

Big Fat Roadblock

Well, it is going to be a little bit before I can work out again.

On Friday night, after my walk, I started to feel a general discomfort in my abdomen. Thinking it was...ahem...digestive troubles, I dismissed it. On Saturday morning it was still there, though, and as the morning progressed it became concentrated in my lower right abdomen. Around 2:00 I decided to go to Urgent Care, but when I called then they said that all abdominal pain needed to go directly to the ER. Two hours and an extremely uncomfortable cat scan later, I discovered that I had an inflamed appendix, and it needed to come out.

So, I had an emergency appendectomy around 7:00 last night, and was released from the hospital today around 2. I am extremely sore...my belly has 3 puncture wounds in it, each about the diameter of a pencil, and it's very distended. I'm pretty much laid up on my couch right now, with doc's orders to get up and move around for about 10 minutes every hour so as to prevent blood clots.

Soooooo...

Obviously, no working out for a while. Just when I was hitting a stride, too. Boooo. I think it might actually have been the 4.5 miles on Friday that partially aggravated it. I don't think it will be weeks or anything, but I at least want to wait until these steri-strip bandage things come off and the stitches dissolve. I'll start walking again in small doses...around the block at first, then go up from there. It will clearly take some time...it's difficult to imagine right now that all the pain will dissipate in a few days or so, but I know it will. I'll get back to walking when the pain is gone, I guess that's the best thing to say.

Ok, off to walk a little. Later. : )

Sore Feet

Owww.

Tonight was a pretty hardcore night, even though I didn't leave my house because of rain. I started out with Slim in 6, and then hopped on the Wii Fit for a good little while. I was just putzing around on the different games, but I ended up burning about 100 calories. Then, my friend Amanda came over, and we played a few different games on Wii Resort for about an hour. So...I really ended up with a pretty good workout. With 200 calories from the Slim in 6, 100 from the Wii Fit, and we'll say another 150 from Wii Resort...hey, that's pretty good. : )

My feet started to hurt in the middle of the Wii Fit, I think from doing the run activity on there yesterday. I may want to wear some shoes when I do that from now on. My heel are still really feeling it, I hope I can still walk tomorrow.

This really is all a juggling act between food and diet. I really have done pretty well with keeping to a healthier diet. Breakfast is pretty much the same as usual, but I'm trying to keep it really light for lunch...soup or a smoothie or something. I try to keep some sort of multi-grain snack or something around during the day, because I do get hungry. But I still need to eat more vegetables. If only they tasted better.

What I don't understand is how Weight Watchers can give you 35 extra food points per week, and still expect you to lose weight. While I don't keep track of my food on WW, I do try to stick to the basic idea of points during the day, and I KNOW I don't eat an extra 35 points per week! I wish I could keep better track on there, though...I feel like that would help a lot.

Ok, falling asleep. Later.

Goals and Rewards...continued...

I think it's good for me to keep changing my goals...it keeps me excited about something, gives me something to work for. Even if I don't meet my deadline exactly, it makes me strive for it, and that's what I need. Also, I like quantifying things, and putting this in terms of numbers makes it much easier for me.

Ok. So. Goal weight remains at 145-148. I think that May 1 is still an acceptable date...that gives me a little more than 6 months, or around 27 weeks. That's a loss of about 1 pound per week for the most part, and a few weeks with 2 pounds of loss. That should be ok, if I can get the exercise up to 4-5 days a week instead of a solid 3.

That also puts me at exactly 10 pounds lost by the new year. Or, roughly, 165. That should be...SHOULD be...a piece of cake. If I really can do that...and that is NOT an unrealistic goal, not by any stretch of the imagination...then that will be when I get myself a Kindle. That's something I want so badly, and I really want to take it with me when I go to Seattle. When it was something that was a later reward, it seemed less attainable, but if I make it the reward for the first goal then it may just motivate me more.

So, then, 155. It is my plan to learn all of the official UN languages...I am currently learning Spanish, I'm getting a refresher in French from my teenage sister, and I think I have a fairly secure grasp of English...and the next on my list is either Chinese or Arabic. So, one of those I think is very appropriate for my reward for 155 pounds. That should be done by about March 1, giving me 2 months for 10 pounds. Doable.

Then, 145 by May 1. That's a little tricky. I'll be getting close to moving then, and I'll need to save some money. But, I want to do something like a trip. Maybe something that's not too expensive...we'll see. But a trip will be the goal.

Again, those are not hard and fast dates, but something to aim for. I do think they're pretty reasonable, though. I'm really going to try and stick to these dates, it might be a good motivator for me.

Ok, I've spent enough time on here tonight. Blah. G'night!

Better than Nothing

As my title perhaps suggests, my motivation has been flagging a bit lately.

I was unable to work out on Thursday or Friday of last week, so I was really good about at least walking on Monday through Wednesday. But then on Saturday and Sunday, when I was supposed to get back into it...squat. Saturday I took a shower right around when I was going to walk, and Sunday...well, you don't want to hear my excuses. Point is, I should have, and I didn't.

Then, tonight, it's been raining on and off since the afternoon, and I can't risk walking with an iPod. That's why I always want to have contingency plans for rainy days. I personally wouldn't mind it...but I will not walk without music, and electronics + rain = a bad time.

So, I decided I'd do some Wii fit tonight. I just love the Wii Fit, and tonight only reinforced that. I have discovered the "combine" feature, where you can link together a whole bunch of the routines they give you to make one big long amazing workout. Tonight, I did: Warm Up, Leaner Mii, Overindulged, Figure, Arms, Shoulders and Back, and Relax. Each of these has within it 3 different exercises, from yoga, strength training, or one of the other Wii Fit exercises. In total, it took me about 54 minutes, and burned about 220 calories. : ) Not my usual calorie burning rate...I don't think that doing this every day would really make me lose weight...but it is a nice, fairly easy workout. It is certainly better than nothing. And it's fun!

I do need to point out that I have AMAZING balance. There was one yoga thing, the sun salutation, where the Wii balance board measures your center of balance while you do the moves...and I got 100%! On most of the yoga moves, I actually do have pretty good balance, so I feel like that's a good indicator of how my strength is improving.

I seriously need a jump start in motivation. I feel like I've been lagging in it these last couple of weeks...I still work out 3 or 4 days a week, but I feel like I'm having to really force myself to do it. Today was a nice easing back into it...but I do not look forward to tomorrow's increased work out. I'm still sort of losing weight...I haven't seen 180 in weeks, and I'm hovering around 176 right now...but it's not really moving anywhere, and that's frustrating.

The only thing I feel really good about is the fact that I seem to have a lot more energy in general. I'm probably burning a few hundred more calories per day, just from more overall movement. That makes me feel pretty good, like something is happening underneath everything, even if I don't feel it all the time. My metabolism has always been just absolutely ridiculously slow, and I feel like the increased activity is helping with that.

I need to remember how much I want to lose weight. This is something I've wanted for so long...I'm over 2 months into this business, I'm doing really well...I just need to keep at it.

Tomorrow is a walk, definitely, and the Slim-in-6. Wednesday, walk...Friday, walking and Slim-in-6...Saturday walking...Sunday walking. If I can do all of that, I think I'll definitely feel better about where I'm headed.

New goals and such to come soon. Maybe tonight. Since I've actually been doing this, and seen how fast my body wants to shed the weight, I know that it's not going to happen nearly as fast as I thought. But, it will happen. It will.

Ok, later. : )

Trudging along.

Blah. Why is it that the first day back after several days' hiatus is just SO difficult? It's like the universe wants you to fail.

I didn't work out Thursday-Sunday, and I so felt it when I jumped right back into it yesterday. I almost didn't make it through the Slim in 6...I actually switched to push-ups and crunches earlier than it says to, partly because my legs hurt like fire, and partly because I feel like the video is way too leg-centered.

My walk was pretty good yesterday...it usually is now, with the weather so nice. I get through my other workout by thinking about my walk, which is good. I'm still doing 3.4 miles in about 54 minutes, which is about a 16 minute mile. I'm ok with that...it keeps my heart rate up for almost an hour, and that's good. I still want to add miles to my walk. But gradually.

I did go biking on Saturday. It wasn't too much...probably only 4-5 miles total, around St. Mark's...but it did give me a little soreness in my legs on Sunday, so that's good. The best thing about it was that it gave me some practice on my bike...I was still feeling a little shaky, and I feel much more confident now. So, maybe I'll actually ride part of the 17-mile trail soon.

I'm still sitting between about 175.5 and 177...I'm kind of ok with that, though. I can see results when I really do the workout I'm supposed to do, and my high weight is now several pounds less than it was. This week might see that go down a little more...I'm walking this afternoon, doing the Wii and walking tomorrow afternoon, and then I have to work outside all day on a drilling project for school on Friday. Saturday I'll see how I feel, but I should at least walk. So, plenty of activity planned for this week. We'll see how that goes.

As far as diet goes, I'm trying SO hard to be good. I'm still having my egg and cheese bagel every morning for breakfast...I looked it up, and it's actually a pretty balanced meal for all the calories it has. It's like 480 calories, which is on the high end for a meal, but it also keeps me full for a long time, and I try to have stuff like soup and veggies for my other meals during the day. I need to get back into the habit of cooking, at least a few days per week. I made the BEST gumbo last week, that was actually pretty healthy...if I could have something like that every week, I'd be golden.

Ok, I'm out. : )

Oh, my aching joints!

I feel 80.

I did a walk/run on Monday, took off Tuesday to do housework, and then did Slim-in-6 and a longer walk today. I have increased my regular walk to 3.4 miles, which I will continue to do for another week or so before I increase it again. I mapped out the addition I've been considering, which is outside of my neighborhood, and it's exactly a mile each way...so, if I added that to my current walk, minus a little bit, it would be about 5 miles. I'll work up to that gradually, but that's what I'd ultimately like to have as my regular daily walk.

I've been having some issues with my joints. My knees have been popping for years now, but for the last week or so I've heard my hips and even my shoulders popping as well. This is somewhat alarming to me, as I've never had issues with my shoulders before. I'm going to see what happens with that...if it gets worse, I'll speak to my doctor. I feel like I shouldn't be having massive joint issues when I'm 27 years old.

Overall, I do feel like I'm getting more fit. My pants fit better in the tummy, I've had a number of people tell me my face looks thinner, and my walk is a whole lot easier than it used to be. I need to remember these things when I start to doubt that what I'm doing is enough. I have this constant feeling like whatever I'm doing is never going to be enough, like I could run 20 miles a day and still not lose any weight.

I can't get past that feeling...even when I can see and feel the results my very own self, I still feel like I'm not doing enough. I have to constantly convince myself that 3 miles really, truly is a good amount of exercise, or that the Slim-in-6 has helped so many people that it MUST help. It's why I feel like I constantly have to increase the difficulty level of my workout, and it's something that I really need to get past. Yes, regularly and gradually increasing the intensity of my workout is a good plan, as long as I do not overdo it. Ultimately walking 5 miles a day would mean working out for almost an hour and a half total, and that's not even including any workout I do other than my walk. By ANYONE's standards, that is a LOT.

As it is, just my walk is burning more than 320 calories...at 5 miles, that would jump to almost 500. They say that cutting/burning 500 calories a day is enough to lose 1 pound a week, because it is a weekly deficit of 3,500 calories. I think I've cut a couple hundred out of my diet, just because I haven't been as hungry, and the exercise definitely makes up the 500 and likely more. So, even by the numbers I'm doing what I should. It's FINE. It's a gradual process, and it is working.

Trying very hard to convince myself.

Ok, off to have a bite or two of light ice cream. : ) Later!

Holy shit it's working!

I mean, it's not like I'm slipping into my size 4 jeans or anything...but this shit is definitely working!

Having now lost all of my period weight, I weighed in this morning at 175.5. Now, this is not much of a change from the last several days...but it is the mere fact that I have spent almost a week hovering around the 176 mark that makes me feel like this whole thing is actually doing some good.

Of course, then, tomorrow I'll probably be back up to like 180.

It really is better to only schedule for the week that I'm on, instead of trying to work out a weekly schedule that will work for every week. This week: walking on Sunday, Slim-in-6/walking on Monday, walking Tuesday, Wii/On Demand/walking on Wednesday, nothing on Thursday, Slim-in-6/walking on Friday, and walking on Saturday. If I can keep up with this schedule, I get a freaking award.

I did the Wii Fit again yesterday morning, and the result was much more acceptable. It had me at like 176.5 pounds, and no longer obese. Hahaha...I had told the Wii Fit that I wanted to lose 10 pounds in a month, the other night when it told me I was freaking obese...and then I ended up losing, according to the Wii Fit, 6 pounds in 1 night! So now I'm only 4 pounds from my goal! I'm losing weight like a STAR! Hahaha. I'll have to reset my goal to be closer to what I've got on here.

It's looking like I may not be at 165 by November 1. And that's OK, really. I mean, if I'm just down to a steady 170 by then, I'll be perfectly happy. Just so long as I'm actually losing weight.

I find that I'm eating less, which I suppose is good. I'm really trying to not think about food as much, and to only eat when I really feel the need for food. So...maybe that will help.

Ok, rambled enough for the evening. Later!

Baaaad Idea.

So...I maybe should not have gone on my walk tonight.

I haven't been for the last 2 days...I've had a pretty bad head cold, with a lot of congestion and general uckness. I'm still a little stuffy today, but I really wanted to go tonight. It's been a beautiful day, with temps now in the low 80's, and I haven't been since Tuesday.

Unfortunately, the whole evening of exercise just started off wrong...I should have known to give it up from the start. After weighing myself and weighing in at an acceptable 176, I decided that the time had come to get back onto the Wii Fit. So, I did...and it promptly pronounced me OBESE!!!! OBESE!!!!! WTF?! According to my own personal, lovely, scale, I have lost roughly 5 pounds from my highest weight a couple of months ago...I thought this was about where I was when I was last on the Wii Fit. Apparently not! It says that I have gained about 4 pounds, which I really don't think is true. I'm going to try it again tomorrow morning, when I haven't had anything to eat and when I don't have any clothes on. Because damn! That was really depressing.

It took a while for me to get the Wii balance board to work properly...then my internet went out when I was trying to transfer money in the bank...and then I had run out of time for home exercise, so I had to just go on my walk. My music mix wasn't very good today, I almost immediately had a gigantic cramp in my side, and after about 5 minutes I started to feel something small sliding around in my shoe. I stopped, took off my shoe, brushed it out, and replaced it...and felt it again about 10 minutes later. This time, I took off both my shoe and sock, and turned my sock inside out for good measure. I got it that time...but I think the time I walked on it like that tweaked a muscle or something, because that leg hurt behind my knee for the rest of the walk. Also, for no apparent reason, my BACK started to hurt about halfway through. Like, an aching pain as though I had been really working those muscles...but I hadn't.

In short, the whole walk sucked. By the time I got home, I felt achy and stuffy and just generally awful. I think I might have developed a fever, either before I started or while I was walking. That may have been the reason for the weird muscle aches. I've been pretty achy for the last couple of days...I really did a lot on Tuesday, so I thought that was the reason. But maybe not.

Ok, off to put my feet up and get comfy. I will likely exercise tomorrow, if I am not feeling worse. I will also post my morning's results from the Wii Fit...here's hoping they're better than tonight's.

Wooooooo Endorphins.

WOW! This is fun.

I have been in SUPERDUPERHAPPYMODE since I got home from my walk. It's kind of insane.

When I got to the top of my last hill, everything suddenly popped with color, and it felt like I wasn't even in Tallahassee anymore but some other place where Autumn actually happens and cool weather is the norm and people have fires and awesome hats and snow.

Yayyyyyy.

Walk was a little wobbly tonight, and was pretty tough. I'm regularly taking about 48 minutes to walk 3 miles...so, a 16 minute mile. Which is fine...I've heard that the pace doesn't matter so much as the distance, so I'm ok with that.

I used my inhaler before I went on my walk tonight, and it helped SO SO MUCH. I can actually breathe for what seems like and may be the first time in years. Also, I've been feeling like I'm getting a cold, and the inhaler can help with that, too.

Tomorrow is definitely just a walk. Also, I'm going to look and see what kind of workout routines Comcast has on demand...I feel like the Slim in 6 is SO concentrated on the legs, especially the quads, and I'd like to find some more arm and ab stuff.

This is week 5 of this stuff, by the way. I haven't been full force every week...but I have been working out more than I was before, which I suppose counts for something. So...we'll see if I get results at some point.

One thing about me is that I feel like I have to keep pushing myself to do that next step, the next level, the next degree. I'm already trying to figure out 4 or 5 miles, when I haven't been doing 3 miles for long enough yet. I'm so afraid of plateauing, that I feel like doing the same routine for more than a few days is like stalling. I have to remember that I wasn't doing ANYTHING before...I was sitting on my ass. So, even walking a couple of days a week is better. And it's not like I'm walking around the block...I'm walking 3 MILES. Every time, except when I'm sick. So, it's got to work at some point. I just have to keep at it. Keep keep keep at it.

A note about food...the Green Giant is my new BFF. I love the steam-in-bag frozen vegetables...they now have combinations like the healthy heart combo, which has carrots, snap peas and barley...and the weight loss combo, which has edamame, black beans, carrots and green beans. Dude, those are GOOD. They're so easy, and they're like complete meals for vegetarians. I try to add something like a chik'n patty or some cottage cheese for protein, especially after my walk...but I am loving how easy and yummy these things are. I haven't had one yet that I didn't like. Way to make dinner awesome, Green Giant.

Ok, enough crazy manic rambling for tonight. : ) Later!

Some notes...

Ok.

Just back from my walk, and I have a few notes. Ya know, for myself.

- After several days' rest, Slim in 6 should probably be done before walking. I have had shin splints in the past, and it seems that jumping right back into walking after not doing anything for a few days aggravates those again. I think it's better to do the stretches and stuff that come with the Slim in 6, instead of taking it easy by just walking.

- I have asthma. I got inhalers last week for said asthma. I need to use them. I might even want to find a way to take the rescue inhaler with me on my walk...I had a very difficult time breathing tonight, like I just couldn't get a full breath.

- Really, really need a walking/running playlist. I keep having to skip to the next song, which is annoying. It really just means finding more music...I only have enough walking songs right now for a single walk, they have to have a certain cadence to work properly.

It really is getting easier. I just have to stick with it. I'm not getting weird mid-stomach or side cramps like I was at some point, and the hills are easier. At some point, I'm going to have to make my walk longer...3 miles will be too easy at some point, I know. I'll drive around sometime in the next few days and figure out how to extend it to 4 and even 5 miles.

OH! Also, I'm thinking about doing the FSU Ballroom Dancing Club on Sunday nights. I've done a semester of it before, and it's so much fun! That would definitely take the place of Sunday exercise...and, since I haven't done Sunday exercise for the last few weeks, that's even better! Hahaha.

Ok, done for now. Later!

Oh, Monday.

Sooo, it's Monday.

I was not so good last week. I think I only exercised like twice or three times. It was a weird week...I was really tired all week, because my sleep schedule was messed up, and I wasn't feeling all that great.

Today is not a whole lot better...I woke up at 6 this morning due to a giant storm, and I'm having massive cramps due to that time of the month. But, I am full of determination to work my ass off, literally, this week. It is a brand new week.

I have actually lost some weight, which I'm happy about. I'm down to 177, even during that time of the month, so likely 176 or even 175 when I'm back to normal. Not a WHOLE lot of progress...but to be that weight during my high flux of the month is a very good thing. Usually I've been hitting 181 or so.

This is what usually happens...I'll work out a lot, and see no progress, and then I'll lose a bunch of weight when I stop working out so much. This just means that I need to kick my ass into gear this week to keep from going into the full no-workout slump. Today is a little iffy...I might just go for my walk this afternoon, to get myself into gear. It's looking like my schedule for the week is going to be as follows:

- Monday - walk 3 miles
- Tuesday - Slim in 6, walk 3 miles
- Wednesday - walk 3 miles
- Thursday - nothing, since I hang out with my sister
- Friday - Slim in 6, walk 3 miles
- Saturday - walk 3 miles.

This will let me work out for 5 days this week, which is what I need to do. The weather is cooling down a bit, finally, so I'll really enjoy my walk. I think I'll give it a few weeks before integrating some other workout ideas into my plan. I really am enjoying what I'm doing right now, and that's what I was looking for. With the cooler weather comes more energy to get outside and do stuff...so, I'll feel like playing around with my bike, maybe going and walking at the park, stuff like that. Maybe not so much with the swimming...but that's fine, I can still do that on hot days. I think I'll only do one or two days a week of the extraneous stuff, and go from there. If it turns out to be really easy to take my bike in my car, I'll do that more often...stuff like that.

Ok, off to work and be productive. : ) Later!

Housekeeping

Do you ever go through your closet and just take everything to Goodwill and start over?

Yeah, me neither. But I SHOULD. And that's what I'm doing with this blog. Mostly.

I got tired of looking back at old entries where I was just whining about making no progress. That's not helpful. I kept the most recent entries, although they're boring...also the oldest ones, and some that had good observations. But I deleted a whole bunch just now.

I don't like the feeling of failing over and over again. That SUCKS. I know that this blog is supposed to chronicle my struggle with my weight and my attempts to change it...and it still does...I just got rid of some of the more negative stuff, because that doesn't help anything.

I'm also not saying that everything from here on out will be positive, or particularly interesting. Just like you always have clothes in your closet that looked AWESOME in the store, but then you pull them out later and wonder what you were thinking...that's the way some entries are always going to be. But, there are also the clothes that continue to fit great and look amazing for years after you buy them, and entries like that are the ones that will remain here.

Not much progress to report on the weight front, although I did measure my waist, hips and thighs to see if anything had changed yet. It hasn't. I am resting today...maybe I'll go walk around a store or the dog park or something for a little cardio, but my body HURTS. I need a break. It will only be a break of like one day...I am NOT flagging in my determination...but I'm feeling a little run down. I've been busting my ass for the last couple of days.

Ok, later. Here's to new starts...real ones, not those ugly-Christmas-sweater ones. : )

Rough

Blaaaarrgghh, today was rough.

Yesterday, I had a hard time getting started, but once I did, I was golden.

Today, it was crappy from the very beginning right through to the end. No euphoria, no running...just fighting through it every step of the way.

I have a bit of a dilemma...I really feel like I should rest tomorrow, I feel like my body does better with it after I've rested for a day or so. But then, I may have my sister with me in the afternoon on Thursday, which means I won't be able to do it then.

I did most of my whole workout today. I did a modified version of the Slim in 6 thing...I feel like it's a little light on the arms, so some days I'll give over some of the leg stuff for some arms and abs, which is what I did today. I don't know what this will mean for how I feel about it tomorrow...I still feel like I need to do my whole workout, but that might not be best.

Either way, I got a compliment today that made me feel quite a bit better about this whole thing. Ryan, an attorney at my office, told me a couple of times that my face looks thinner. Also, I've been wearing size 12 jeans. Now, these are new jeans that haven't been properly washed yet, and they're a new style from my usual jeans...but still, it feels nice to be able to wear 12's after a long time of wearing 13's-14's. I plan to try on some of my older 12's tomorrow, and see if there's any difference in those, too. If so, I really will feel good.

I really cannot wait until it gets cooler. I sweat SO much. I know that's good, because it means that I'm drinking enough water, and it's cleansing me of toxins...but still. It's a LOT of sweat. I'll be happy to feel the cooler air on my skin in a month or two. : )

Ok, yawning too much to continue. Good night.

Grindstone

I am fighting to keep my determination.

I skipped a whole 2 days this weekend...and felt just AWFUL about it. To be fair, there was a thunderstorm right when I was supposed to exercise yesterday, and I really did bust my ass doing housework all day. So, I suppose that counts for something. But still...no excuses.

I got back into it today, and it was both better and worse than usual. Better, because it seemed just a bit easier once I got into it, such that I even ran a couple of times. Worse, because it was just really difficult to get started, and the Slim in 6 was a BITCH today. I did it, though. The whole damn thing, Slim in 6 and 3 mile walk/run.

I am increasing gradually the number of days per week that I exercise. Last week was 4, the week before was 3, and this week will be 5. During the weekdays this week, I'm going to try alternating between Slim in 6/walking and just walking...this will give me a chance to rest my sore legs while still exercising, and I can do this every day instead of resting in between.

I'm trying to get my stamina up before starting any other exercise regimen. Once I can do this workout without any problems, I will move on to other things. I think this is mostly working for me right now...I feel GREAT after I get done...it's just on the days when I don't do my workout that I feel like it's not doing a damn thing for me. I know, logically, that it's going to take time for the results to show, and for me to really get into the swing of working out...but it just feels so much like I'm running in place.

I guess this is why my determination flagged a little today. I have a plan to exercise almost every day this week, though, so that should make me feel better. I've also gotten some excellent food for myself this week...I have a bunch of frozen vegetables, some fake chicken, yogurt, low fat string cheese, lots of healthy type stuff. As long as I can manage a healthy lunch, I should be fine.

It WILL work soon. It WILL. This is only week 3...even by week 6 I may not see any difference, especially with my somewhat slow start. I just have to keep going.

I have never experienced the endorphin rushes that people talk about while exercising. I don't know why, I guess it's just that I feel like I'm torturing myself when I'm putting my body through that. I HAVE found something that does give me an endorphin rush, though...my music. When it gets to certain songs when I'm walking, I get that tingly feeling all over that I think is an endorphin rush. This is definitely motivation to find good walking songs and make a real walking playlist instead of just the "favorites" playlist I use now.

Ok, I think that's mostly it for tonight. I've had fresh black-eyed peas and homemade rosemary-onion bread for dinner, which makes me very happy. Maybe a teeny bit of light tiramisu ice cream later? Mayyyyybe. : )

Less Wobbly

Well, today was better.

Over the weekend, I went to my grandmother's house, where I had to perform hard manual farm labor for a number of hours on Sunday. I'm counting this as a workout, even though I ultimately gained a couple of pounds while I was there due to the massive amounts of meat consumed. Couldn't help it.

Today started out a little bit off...Slim in 6 seemed REALLY hard today...but then my walk was super easy. I had a smoothie and some hard boiled eggs for dinner...I think that, in the future, I should avoid eating eggs both for breakfast and for dinner, no matter how yummy it is. I do not need to have a heart attack tomorrow.

When the colder weather gets here, I think I'll go back to eating cheerios and oatmeal for a while. That's way better than an egg and cheese bagel, which is what I'm having every day right now. Maybe I'll switch to a cream cheese bagel...that's got to be better than egg and cheese, right?

I got a new book, called "If I am so smart, then why can't I lose weight?" It says a lot of good things, and it's made me feel good today. The author apparently used to be heavier, and worked out for 6 weeks without seeing a single pound of difference. She kept at it, though, and in 6 months she had lost 70 pounds! That both depresses and excites me...6 weeks with no change sounds AWFUL, but then to have such a huge change after 6 months...that would be wonderful, if only I can stick with it. She also says that her minimum is 3 days a week, and that you need to set an absolute baseline, or the minimum per week you're allowed to do. My minimum, I think, is either the Slim in 6 or my walk, for a minimum of 45 minutes, at least 4 days a week.

My determination hasn't let up, and that's good. The book says to think of exercise as a reward for my body, and I'm really trying to do that...it doesn't quite feel like it, though. It really feels more like torture.

Ok, I'm falling asleep. I definitely find myself getting tired earlier at night, but I'm not sure how much I like that. Ha.

Later!

Wobbly

Well, it's been a...week.

I have only exercised 3 days out of the last 5. I meant to be much better than that...but Wednesday I felt like it was better for me to rest for a day, since I hadn't gotten much sleep and I HURT, and then yesterday I was with people all afternoon.

Monday and Tuesday I alternated between Slim in 6 and walking, but today I did both in one day. I'm going to pay for that tomorrow, I know. I only walked about 2 miles instead of 3...my legs were 9 different kinds of wobbly. It is getting a tad bit easier, though...and I'm sure it will be even easier next week.

I'm going to try to exercise while I'm down south with my grandmother this weekend. I think that I might be able to go out walking/running before everyone gets up, around 7-7:30. If I can't, I won't beat myself up about it...I'll definitely pick it back up when I return...but I would like to get something in while I'm there.

I need to get better protein to eat when I get home. Tonight I got a smoothie with protein powder and a cheese quesadilla...but I definitely cannot get that every night. Maybe some eggs or some milk. I don't know.

Ok, off to bed. Leaving early in the morning.

Determination

Why on EARTH did I think that 3 miles was easy?! That nearly KILLED me!!!

Well, it IS my first time doing it in several months. Also, I think I went unusually quickly...I believe I did it in about 40 minutes, which would be pretty insane. It really showed me how out-of-shape I am...that shouldn't normally wear me out like that. I was actually shaking when I got home. My hands are still a bit unsteady.

I was perhaps a little bad when I got home: I went and picked up Chik-fil-a. Yes, I am a vegetarian...almost all of the time. Unfortunately, tonight, I have no food in the house, and definitely not any good protein, which is necessary after a good workout. My meal really wasn't terrible...a 6-piece nugget (should have been 8, but it was missing 2), fries, a small fruit cup, and some sweet tea. Not great...but of all the fast food places I could eat, Chik-fil-a is one of the healthiest. So whatever.

I don't know what I'll do tomorrow. I think maybe Slim in 6 again...I hurt like fire today, but maybe it will be a little better tomorrow.

Ok, falling asleep...late night last night. Later.

Goals and Rewards

Ok, my rewards have to be slightly different from last time, since I have just picked up a couple of new bills and am a little short on cash at the moment. Also, my bank sucks and has reduced my credit limit for almost no reason. Poo.

My goal weight is still 145-148. My weight fluctuates pretty regularly, so I need to allow for a little bit of up-and-down.

I think that setting goal weights with goal dates is maybe not the best way to do it. I do need to have certain dates by which I would like to accomplish things, though. I think that I can still accomplish that by January 1 losing 1-2 pounds per week, but that means many more weeks of 2 pounds than 1, and that's if I lose weight this week too. Also, I'm going to Seattle again in January. I don't know how that will play into it. Maybe I should give myself a little time after that to get adjusted back into my life.

I think that maybe May 1 should be my definite date for getting down to 145. That's the middle of the Celtic year, and also the time when it really starts to get hot here. I'll aim for 165 by November 1 (the Celtic New Year, Samhain), and 155 by January 1. These are not concrete dates, and my rewards are not dependent upon getting to these weights by these days...but they are targets, so that I have some sort of motivation.

Now, for rewards. I need to find something that I really want, that doesn't compromise my health, and that doesn't cost a ton of money.

...

I have no idea what to do for that.

I think that the reward for 165 pounds will be a video game. I'm not sure which one...it will depend on what games have come out by that time. Maybe the new Warcraft, maybe Super Mario Bros. for the Wii, maybe The Sims...I don't know. Something awesome.

For one of my rewards, I think that a Kindle is appropriate. I've taken out trips as rewards...too expensive, and I'm already going to Seattle in January. Also, if I can manage to get my Kindle before my trip...hey, less to carry. So, lets make that the reward for 155.

For 145, I need something really cool. If I make it to that weight, first of all, I will gift myself with more money every month by cancelling my Weight Watchers subscription. Maybe a trip for this one would be appropriate. I don't know about this one...maybe the promise of being able to wear all of my old clothes should be reward enough. Or maybe I'll reward myself by spending $200-$300 on new clothes. : ) We'll see...that's a long way off.

Ok, so there we go. Now, gotta work on just losing that first 13 pounds. G'night!

New Plan!

Ok, so, I have revised this current plan a little.

I felt like I HAD to do something tonight. I couldn't not. But I had no gas, no money for gas, and it was all rainy. So, I decided to do the Slim in 6 thing.

It wore me the fuck out! It was only 30 minutes, but it really does work out your arms, legs, and abs. It's a really good workout. I think that a few days of this could really help me out...although, maybe not a few days in a row, 'cause that might kill me.

So, I think that I'm going to start all of this stuff off by alternating Slim in 6 with walking my normal 3 miles for 2 weeks. When I can do the Slim in 6 every day, I will...I'll see how I feel tomorrow. But yeah, I think that this will get me a little more in shape for when I really do start this new plan. In addition, this routine will be a little more flexible for when I go to my grandmother's for 2 days this weekend.

I need to remember to put something under me on the floor when I do the whole Slim in 6 thing. Hahaha...I hadn't gotten all the way through it before, and the end has makes you do crunches...which are a little uncomfortable if you're wearing just pants and a sports bra on a laminate floor. : )

30 minutes still doesn't feel like enough. I know that it's actually a really good muscle workout, but health professionals recommend more than 30 minutes of exercise a day for weight loss. So...maybe walking PLUS Slim in 6? I really might die, if I do that. But...walking isn't enough by itself, and Slim in 6 isn't enough by itself...so maybe the solution for that last week is to do them together. It's only for a week at a time...maybe I'll start off with 2 miles instead of 3, until I get back into this whole thing.

The key to this is being my own drill sergeant. I cannot give myself the option of not exercising. Ultimately, I think that I could allow myself to take off up to 2 days per week. But, for now, I need the routine of EVERY DAY. No exceptions.

Next entry will be goals and rewards. I need to go ahead and do that...I have officially started, if a little slower than planned. When I flag in my strength or motivation, I want to keep something in my mind for why I'm doing it.

Gearing up...

Ok, so, I'm back from Seattle.

This morning, when I weighed in, I was 179. Blah. I did lose a little weight in Seattle, but between menstruation, sick animals and the stress of getting back into work over the last week, it's come back. I would say I'm actually still about at 178, since it's still that time of the month.

Also due to that time of the month, I will not be starting my workout regimen today, or probably until next week. I really haven't had time to properly prepare myself...I still do not have a gym membership, my bike is a little bit broken, and I don't have proper clothes. I might do the home stuff this week...start with that, then start on the gym next week. I think I'm going to do the school gym thing...that's $50/semester, whereas the real gym is $15.99/month. Plus the school gym has a pool. So hey.

I see all of these people around me losing tons of weight, and it really makes me feel shitty because I haven't been able to do that too. I just have to learn how to channel that anger and irritation that I feel into something productive.

Thankfully, it's almost Autumn, and I LOVE Autumn. The way that other people feel about Spring? Yeah, that's me with Autumn. I do all of my real cleaning and organizing during this season, I actually LIKE going outside. So, that's good.

I think that my real goal should be to lose all of this stupid weight by the time it gets hot again. I mean, it's hot now...but I mean next year. I think that's a good goal...I'm so uncomfortable during the hot months, so hopefully that will help me.

Once I actually get into this regimen, I'll set real concrete goals and rewards. I don't want to do it yet, because I haven't actually started.

You know what? I AM starting today. I am doing, at the very least, a workout video tonight. Maybe I'll go up to the school today and get that whole thing taken care of, and then maybe work out for a little bit. I'll have a concrete plan by noon.

No more waiting. Now is the time. Seize the day! : )

Pretty Good...

So, I'm not QUITE where I want to be yet, but close. This morning I was 177, and I have another day before I leave. So...maybe? We'll see. I've been good today...it's not difficult, a few things going on in my life have caused me not to be too hungry. ...Hey! Solution! All I need to do is have big events happen every week or so in my life, and then I'll undoubtedly lose weight!

Ha.

I plan to be at least down to 173-4 by the time I get back. This shouldn't be too terribly difficult, what with all the walking and the eating healthy and the no-sugar coffee. But we'll see...the way my body works, it's more likely I'll be 185 by the time I get back, even with all that stuff. Boo.

Short entry today, going to pick up my sister. Probably won't update until I return. Wish me luck! Later!

Unexpected Losses

Where this entry's title might in another blog indicate something of an unhappy nature, in this case, it is quite the opposite.

I am down to 176.5...yay! Almost where I want to be before I go to Seattle. Now I just have to keep it off until next Friday, when I leave.

I suppose it's not completely unexpected that I would have lost some weight. I have been doing pretty well...yesterday I had a bunch of really small things all day long, like a granola bar or a PB&J sandwich on wheat. I've been eating Lean Cuisines for lunch, partly because it's just so much easier to keep those in the freezer than to rely on other people to pick something good for lunch. I've also been riding my bike just a tiny bit every afternoon, just trying to get the hang of it before I have to do it for real.

If I manage to stay at this weight through tomorrow, I will start back on the Wii Fit this weekend. I won't be able to get much accomplished before I have to leave, but I will be able to see where I am on strength and balance. I would also like to ride the bike this weekend, maybe do a little of the St. Mark's Trail. The whole thing is 17 miles long, so I will need quite a bit more practice before doing all of that...but for now, part of it will do.

I might end up riding the St. Mark's Trail as part of my biking week...that will be easy to do during the week, because there won't be many people on it. We'll see.

I would so love to lose some weight in Seattle. We're camping for several days up in Canada, and I know we're doing camp-cooking for a lot of that time, so it shouldn't be too difficult. I won't be able to put a whole lot of shit in my coffee, or eat snacks, and I'll presumably be walking all over the place, so I don't think it will be terribly difficult.

I'm excited. I feel like this is finally really going to happen. : )

Ramping Up

So, I'm getting psyched up for this new plan.

I lost a bit of weight this weekend, so I'm feeling good today. I'm back at 178, which I've been a little above lately, due mainly to summer sluggishness and female fluctuations. I'm also back on my slough of vitamins...in addition to my multivitamin, I'm once again on vitamins D and B12, iron, and thyroid supplements. I think that this has led to an increase in energy, which is awesome. I still feel totally gross and wilted every time I walk out the door...but at least I feel more productive while indoors.

I've been allowing myself very small indulgences, which will go away when I go to Seattle. I've been really into rainbow sherbet lately...which, on the list of indulgences, is seriously mild...as well as Publix light tiramisu ice cream. Both very nice, light cures for my summertime blues.

I feel good about setting aside 6:00-8:00 every night to do my workout. That way, there's a time limit. It gives me time when I get home from work, and time afterwards to do other stuff. It's in the cooler-but-still-light part of the day, and I've always loved twilight, so I'll enjoy being out of doors then. I'll try and eat a little something before I leave work, so that I'll have energy to workout but won't be too full. It also limits the time that I'm working out...no matter what, I'll be done by 8, so if I really feel as though I'm torturing myself, I have a time limit.

It helps me to go through these things before I start this plan. Being a perfectionist, I look for the perfect solution to any problem, and I believe that this plan could be just that for me.

I might start out biking up and down the St. Marks Trail. It's completely flat almost the entire way, so it would be a good place to start riding again after all these years. Maybe this weekend, if I can fit my new bike into my car.

I still need a bathing suit, too. That might need to wait until I get back from Seattle, though...running a little short on funds.

Ok, back to work. Later. : )

If I was thinner...

...I wouldn't be hot ALL THE DAMN TIME.

...I would have a number of cute clothes that fit me.

...I wouldn't have to hike my pants up every 2 minutes.

...I would have more energy.

(...which means my house would be cleaner.)

...I would feel sexier, and might actually like being seen naked.

...my cholesterol would go down to healthy levels.

...I would like having my picture taken.

...my skin would be healthier.

...I could wear shorts.

...I could wear skirts.

...I would feel like I fit in with my family.

...I could sleep in the van with my sister when we go camping without being uncomfortable.

...my boyfriend could put his arm around me at night and not feel my stomach rolls.

...my boyfriend might be able to pick me up. : )

...my mother would leave me the hell alone about my weight.

...I wouldn't be conscious of the extra weight on my body every waking second of every day of my life.

No thank you, I'd prefer to ignore the past.

It is a bad idea for me to go back and read old entries.

Part of my issue with this whole thing is how changeable I am.

For a couple of days, I will literally think about NOTHING ELSE but my weight, and how I'm going to change it.

And then, something else will come up, and it will be in the back of my mind, but not something I'm actively thinking about.

Then, it becomes just about maintaining my current weight, not gaining anything, eating basically healthy every day.

And then, I gain a pound or something, and it once again becomes the focus of my entire world. I think that maybe there's another plan that I could follow, or I resolve to follow plans already concocted, and the cycle starts over.

I have too many "new start" entries in this stupid blog. Not that I'm going to delete any...I'm firmly opposed to deleting records of anything, even if they piss me off. But, if I resolve to make a new start, from now on it's going to happen. Reading back through old entries just makes me feel like it's never going to happen, I'm never going to be able to stick with something, and I don't like that feeling at all.

That's why I'm planning this newest workout regimen weeks in advance. By the time I actually have to start it (August 30, one month from today), I will be firmly planted in the idea of spending a MINIMUM of 4 weeks on this new plan. 4 weeks of exercise is a lot. It shouldn't take me but one or two rotations to really start noticing a difference.

I need to keep in my mind how tired I am of feeling this way. Maybe summer wouldn't bother me as much, if I was thinner. I should do an "If I was thinner..." list. That's a good idea. That'll be my next entry.

In addition, I need to remember that, once I get the weight off, it's just a matter of maintaining it. I don't have to spend forever feeling like absolute shit...only as long as it takes to actually lose the weight. Maybe a series of notes or reminders on my phone, which would both give me positive reinforcement and remind me to CARE A LOT from day to day.

Hrm.

A Plan for All Seasons

So, I've done some more thinking about this constantly changing plan, and I really do think that this could work.

My plan is this:

- Week 1: Gym. Either Gold's Gym or the FSU gym, which also has a pool.
- Week 2: Swimming. Either Mum's house or the FSU gym, if I go with that one.
- Week 3: Biking. Probably around Mum's neighborhood, since it's pretty huge.
- Week 4: Slim-in-6/other home exercise videos. Just at my house.

There are several factors I'm looking at here.

First of all, I hate hate hate the gym. So, I'm following it up with swimming, which I love. I don't know how I feel about biking, since I haven't done it in years, but I know I like doing the home stuff. So it should be fairly easy to follow.

Second, I need some sort of cooling factor included in my exercise plan. I got heat stroke while working on some school stuff yesterday, and it emphasized my need to stay cool somehow. Each of these activities incorporate some sort of cooling, whether it's air conditioning, water, or just wind.

I'll need to do these activities between the hours of 6 and 8, since this is the time when it's still light outside, but the sun is not at full strength. I'll need alternatives, since Tallahassee is absolutely notorious for afternoon thunderstorms. Obviously, the days I can't bike or swim outside can be spent at the gym or doing home stuff in my living room.

I will need a little bit of equipment for this. Gym: just workout clothes, which I mostly have already. Swimming: new bathing suit. Biking: a bike, one of which I might be purchasing this afternoon from a lady from Craigslist. Home video stuff: shouldn't need anything other than the Slim in 6 stuff that I have and my Wii Fit, which I intend to do every day along with the other stuff.

Now, as for what I'll be doing each day. My goal is to burn 250-300 calories each day during these exercise sessions, which will likely change when I start actually doing it. Gym: Warm up every day by walking for 20-30 minutes, then alternate leg/arm and ab exercises each day. Swimming: laps, mostly. I also usually like to tread water for an extended period of time, using only my arms or only my legs. Apparently, an hour of swimming laps, treading water, etc. burns over 300 calories, so that should be perfect. Biking: nothing else to it. I think that if I go 8-10 miles at around 10 mph, I'll burn a little more than 250 calories...I may need to work up to this, though. I should be able to figure out a sufficient route through my mother's neighborhood, in any case. Home stuff: According to the interwebz, the first of three Slim in 6 discs burns roughly 250 calories every half hour. So, it looks like this could be my shortest workout day. I'll probably do some Wii Fit to warm up on these days, especially since I'll already be just staying at home.

I think that the best way to figure in the Wii Fit is to do some yoga and light stuff before work every morning, and then get on it when I get home to warm up, or later on to make up for any calories I didn't burn during my other exercise. Basically, it's my supplementary plan. If I feel like I've done enough with my workout for the day, I may not do the Wii Fit at all in the afternoon. I don't know yet.

I have a couple of weeks to figure it out. I think that I'll officially start the week beginning August 30. That will give me a little time after I get back from Seattle to get situated. I'll probably start on the Wii Fit that wekk after I get back, though, just to sort of keep my activity level up.

This has to work. It really does. I'm so woefully out of shape. I need to have at least lost some of this weight by the new year.

Again, I'll do rewards later. I don't want to think about that, yet, since I haven't started. Later!

In need of a kick in the ass...

I don't know what is the matter with me, and what it is that makes me completely unable to stick with any sort of program.

Maybe it's my birthday. I'm a Cancer, so I generally never have the same emotion or desire for more than a few days in a row.

Maybe it's the heat. Having reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder means that any time I spend outside during the summer makes me feel as though the world is an awful, gloomy, horrible place.

Whatever it is, I haven't been able to do anything, fitness-wise, all summer long. Since Portland, where I inexplicably accomplished very little in the way of weight loss, I have been basically a bum all the time. When I get home, I sit on the couch until it's time for me to go to bed. Weekends are for chores like laundry and floors, but nothing very strenuous. This is NOT how weight loss is accomplished.

I need one of two things:

- a workout partner who is relentless with me. "Listen, bitch...you had better be at the gym to meet me in 10 minutes, or I will come to your house and drag your sorry ass here myself." This has worked before, but there was a time limit as my friend then moved away. But this sounds boring, and monotonous.

- a changeable workout routine. A daily change would be too hectic, I think...but a weekly change might just work. A 4-week rotation...swimming, biking, gym, Slim in 6...while at the same time doing the Wii Fit every day? That sounds like it just might work, and be enjoyable at the same time. It's also more of a long-term plan than I've had before...the minimum time period to stay on this track would be a month. Also, if I don't really enjoy a particular week...like, say, the gym...all I have to do is finish the week, and then I don't have to do that again for several weeks.

This plan relies more on the self-motivation of desire, as opposed to some outside motivating factor. This plan sounds FUN.

I hate exercise. I also hate the thought of doing the same workout every day until I die. Maybe this will work for me.

I go to Seattle in a little over 2 weeks, where I will be camping and walking for the majority of the time. I plan to be 175 by the time I get home, at which point my new exercise program will commence. This will give me time to plan out how I'm going to spend each week, time to perhaps acquire a bicycle and a new bathing suit, and perhaps a gym membership and a friend or two to do this with me. I will not be relying on any friends to do this every day, though...I will be doing it EVERY DAY, regardless of whether I have 0 or 100 people to do it with me.

I'll set rewards later. I need to think more about this now. : )

Can't Win for Losing

I swear, every time I turn around it's something new.

I went to the doctor a few weeks ago, and dutifully went and had blood (lots of blood) drawn last week for tests. As it turns out, my thyroid is more messed up than they thought, which means a higher dosage of synthetic thyroid hormone...my vitamin D is way low, still...and my blood sugar points to a high risk for diabetes.

!!!

This is shocking to me. Diabetes?! Diabetes is for fat, unhealthy people who drink soda, eat fried food and get extra butter on their already butter-saturated popcorn. I don't do any of that!! I may have a few too many pieces of candy from time to time, but I've largely cut that crap out of my diet, and when I do eat it I monitor very closely how much I'm consuming. Otherwise, my eating habits are just one degree off stellar...I eat whole grain EVERYTHING, I try to eat a good balance of vegetables, carbs and protein. My exercise habits have been a little sketchy...but anyone who can just up and walk 3 miles without issue HAS to be at least somewhat healthy, right?!

This has me really bummed out today. I watch what I eat, I try and exercise, I think of myself as a fairly healthy person. To find out that I'm a high risk for diabetes makes me feel like I'm beating my head against a wall for absolutely no gain whatsoever.

My doctor wants me to lose at least 10 pounds. Believe me, lady, if it were that easy I would have done it years ago. She already wanted me to lose that much or more because of my cholesterol, which they forgot to check this time. I'm sure that's bad, too, though.

Today is not a good day for me, health-wise. I have to fix things, and I'm not sure how to do so without making myself completely miserable in the process. I've been trying to be gradual about everything, ease myself into the diet and exercise stuff so that it can become a more lasting, permanent way of life than just something I'm doing to shed pounds. It isn't working, though.

If I deny myself a food, then that food becomes all I can think about. That's why I try to allow myself little indulgences from time to time, so that I don't feel like I'm being deprived. But clearly, this isn't working for me.

I don't know what to do. I cry as I write this, because it all just feels so hopeless. I know I'll feel better in a little while...I just have to come up with a plan, and then follow it.

Ok, I'll write again later.

In Shape

Well, I'm walking again. Finally.

Seattle was both good and bad for me. Good: I walked just about everywhere I went, including a few times up and down my dad's 500 ft. elevation hill. Bad: I ate meat, and drank my weight in coffee and beer. Excellent, delicious, Seattle coffee and beer. Mmmmmm.

I started my 3-mile walk again yesterday, and surprisingly I haven't felt like total crap afterwards. I think this is partly because it has been quite chilly outside...in the 40's and 50's...and I end up paying more attention to the lovely weather than I do to the fact that I'm walking.

I'm able to do 3 miles in about 50 minutes, at present. Not fantastic...but getting better every day. That makes me feel good...like I'm at least somewhat "in shape," if not totally.

When I get home, I eat something with a lot of protein...usually fake chicken. The only bad thing is that I cannot get full when I eat dinner. Last night I had an entire can of peas, a fake chicken patty, and a banana for dinner...and I was still absolutely voracious. Tonight was the same situation. I guess it's a combination of the walk and the cold that's making me so hungry...but it's negating my good work.

Now all I need to do is get back into the Wii Fit. I haven't done it since coming back...to be totally honest, I'm afraid that the hunk of plastic is going to admonish me if I haven't lost weight, and that's discouraging. Sigh. I will be starting that again tomorrow, though. Sunset is getting closer to 6:15, which means if I get home at 5:15 I should have just enough time to get a walk in before dark, and then I'll do the Wii Fit immediately afterwards. We'll see how that works.

I just calculated on some website that I'm burning about 282 calories during my walk. So, add to that the 145 from the Wii Fit, and that's about 427 calories burned! Wow! If I could do that every day, that would be awesome...almost a full 3,000 calories burned per week, if I could do it 7 days a week. Very nice.

Little by little. Small steps aren't bad. I have to remember that.

Later! : )