No thank you, I'd prefer to ignore the past.

It is a bad idea for me to go back and read old entries.

Part of my issue with this whole thing is how changeable I am.

For a couple of days, I will literally think about NOTHING ELSE but my weight, and how I'm going to change it.

And then, something else will come up, and it will be in the back of my mind, but not something I'm actively thinking about.

Then, it becomes just about maintaining my current weight, not gaining anything, eating basically healthy every day.

And then, I gain a pound or something, and it once again becomes the focus of my entire world. I think that maybe there's another plan that I could follow, or I resolve to follow plans already concocted, and the cycle starts over.

I have too many "new start" entries in this stupid blog. Not that I'm going to delete any...I'm firmly opposed to deleting records of anything, even if they piss me off. But, if I resolve to make a new start, from now on it's going to happen. Reading back through old entries just makes me feel like it's never going to happen, I'm never going to be able to stick with something, and I don't like that feeling at all.

That's why I'm planning this newest workout regimen weeks in advance. By the time I actually have to start it (August 30, one month from today), I will be firmly planted in the idea of spending a MINIMUM of 4 weeks on this new plan. 4 weeks of exercise is a lot. It shouldn't take me but one or two rotations to really start noticing a difference.

I need to keep in my mind how tired I am of feeling this way. Maybe summer wouldn't bother me as much, if I was thinner. I should do an "If I was thinner..." list. That's a good idea. That'll be my next entry.

In addition, I need to remember that, once I get the weight off, it's just a matter of maintaining it. I don't have to spend forever feeling like absolute shit...only as long as it takes to actually lose the weight. Maybe a series of notes or reminders on my phone, which would both give me positive reinforcement and remind me to CARE A LOT from day to day.

Hrm.